DEVELOPING MEMORIES

"Developing Memories" is a photographic film series born from the tumultuous years of 2020-2022, a period marked by the COVID-19 pandemic, housing insecurity, and a relentless pursuit of stability and success. This project chronicles my journey as an individual grappling with identity, belonging, and the quest for a photography job. From the confines of my mother's assisted living facility, where I sought refuge during a period of homelessness, to the magical pursuits at Disney's college program, I navigated the fractures of my own identity and career. My desperation to belong and succeed led me down a path of candle magic, prayer, and seeking solace in like-minded individuals. I dragged new friends into my magical practices, hoping to conjure luck and success through collective energy. As I battled to find my place and obtain an internship, I faced friction at Disney due to my appearance (no ear/body modifications allowed), and the introduction of the "No Say Gay" bill heightened my anxiety and fear for my career. I faced the harsh realities of rejection and self-doubt. With a portfolio rich in Pride photography, I felt like an outsider, fighting to belong in a space that seemed to reject my very identity. The photographs you see were almost never developed. Due to the pandemic and my subsequent housing insecurity, I was forced to put my film equipment and development process on hold. For years, my rolls collected dust, waiting for the day I could bring them to life. That day finally arrived in 2024, when I regained stability and access to a darkroom. As I developed the rolls, I relived the moments, emotions, and struggles of that tumultuous period. This project is the culmination of that journey, a testament to the power of perseverance in the fight for success. Through this project, I explore the tension between belonging and being seen, the fractures of my own identity, and the power of creative expression to heal and transcend. My photographs whisper tales of hope, perseverance, and the unyielding desire to belong, even in the face of adversity. This series is a visual diary, a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, and an invitation to embrace the fractures, find beauty in the brokenness, and celebrate the power of vulnerability.

Taken at the Hilton Union Station en route to Omaha, Nebraska, this photograph captures the essence of a tumultuous time. Shot on 120mm 3200 Ilford film, the image is fuzzy, a testament to the challenges I faced in capturing hope amidst uncertainty. With a surplus of film and a scarcity of light, I persisted in taking photos, driven by a determination to stay positive. The resulting images, often blank or distorted, mirror the turmoil of that period. Housing insecurities, exacerbated by the COVID pandemic, had me seeking a better life in Omaha. This photograph embodies the chaos of that summer, as I embarked on a cross-country journey with my three dogs, our lives in flux. The haze and grain of the image reflect the instability we faced, as the fabric of our makeshift family seemed to unravel. Yet, in the midst of turmoil, I held onto hope, a glimmer of light in the darkness.

Hasselblad 120mm

Hasselblad 120mm

In this poignant black and white photograph, my mom sits on a bench, mask-clad, alongside our innocent puppy. The COVID pandemic serves as a stark backdrop to our personal struggles. After a disastrous move to Omaha, I found myself back in Atlanta, grappling with the shards of a shattered family and the looming specter of divorce. Homeless and adrift, I sought refuge with my mom in her assisted living apartment, a place where I wasn't even permitted to stay. The weight of our unstable family dynamics hung heavy, ultimately leading to the loss of our beloved dogs. In this moment, however, we find solace in each other's company, a fleeting respite from the turmoil that surrounds us.

Here is a double exposer. One from an Omaha police car and the other one in my mom’s kitchen in Georgia. During the end of 2020 and the beginning of 2021 before I left to Florida I spent crashing at my mom’s place. I was sleeping on her couch in the living room and it wasn’t very lovely. I had just returned from a nightmare move that didn’t work out in Omaha. I moved to Omaha thinking I landed this awesome housing deal but it ended up being a disaster. We drove there and back with all my stuff it was awful. You can see in the picture some street signs too. I was displaced for months and had no where else to go. I also couldn’t find a job at the time and so I was trying to survive the best I could with my mom. Here she is cooking, we would pitch in together to figure out what to eat and she would make it. I stayed in this condition for a while because I was applying to internships across the country. I believed at any moment I would be selected and needed to be available to move anywhere immediately.

Hasselblad 120mm

In this intimate close-up, my mom's hands are immersed in the warm water of the sink, scrubbing away at the dishes with a gentle yet determined touch. The worn skin and faint wrinkles on her hands tell the story of countless moments like these, moments of hard work and dedication. Living with my mom was a complex dance of love and friction. Her set of rules and expectations often clashed with my own desires and independence, leading to a tumultuous relationship. Yet, in this quiet moment, I see the beauty in her unwavering commitment to our family and the simple, everyday acts of love that often go unnoticed.

Hasselblad 120mm

In this poignant photograph, my mom stands in her small kitchen, her hands moving with purpose as she cooks a meal. The humble surroundings of her assisted living apartment belie the richness of her love and determination. Despite struggling with poverty and the challenges of assisted living, my mom's strength and resilience shine through in this everyday moment. As I faced homelessness and joblessness, we came together, united in our quest for sustenance and survival. The kitchen, though small, becomes a symbol of hope and resourcefulness, a testament to the power of a mother's love and the human spirit's capacity to persevere. In this image, I honor my mom's unwavering dedication and the unbreakable bond we share, even in the darkest of times.

Hasselblad 120mm

In the small kitchen of my mom's assisted living unit, a calendar hangs on the wall, its pages turning with agonizing slowness. I had overstayed my welcome, driven by determination to land an internship or photography job after graduating college. The COVID pandemic had robbed me of an internship, and I was applying across the country, convinced that a call would come at any moment, and I'd have to pack up and leave. Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, as the calendar taunts me with it's relentless march forward. The kitchen, once a hub of activity and hope, becomes a symbol of my limbo, a reminder of the uncertainty that grips my life. In this photograph, I capture the frustration and longing of that season, the feeling of being stuck in neutral, waiting for a chance to break free and pursue my dreams.

Kodak 35mm

In this candid moment, my mom's hand pours coffee with a gentle precision, a daily ritual that brings us together. Yet, as I await my dream job, I find myself willing time to pass quickly, eager to escape the limbo I'm in. The coffee, a symbol of comfort and routine, now reminds me of the swiftness I desire in my life. I yearn for the next sip, the next moment, the next opportunity. But the candidness of this photograph haunts me, freezing time and forcing me to confront the present. As I await our next coffee ritual, I'm reminded that life's beauty lies in its impermanence, and that the slow drip of time can be both agonizing and transformative. In this image, I capture the bittersweet essence of longing, where the comfort of routine meets the ache of anticipation.

Kodak 35mm

A lock secures a storage unit, holding captive the tools of my creative expression. Inside, my darkroom equipment and precious belongings collect dust, a constant reminder of the life I put on hold. During this period of homelessness, I was forced to abandon my passion for photography, leaving my film undeveloped and my dreams in limbo. Convinced that an internship was just around the corner, I refused to settle, choosing instead to live in limbo, ready to pack up and leave at a moment's notice. Little did I know, this limbo would stretch into years, and the lock would remain unopened, a constant reminder of the fragility of hope and the power of perseverance.

Kodak 35mm

A news magazine lies abandoned on a rain-soaked bench, its headlines screaming of a world in chaos. During the darkest days of COVID, I found myself clinging to any glimmer of hope. Jobless and desperate, I scoured every opportunity, only to be met with rejection and silence. But then, a beacon of light: the Disney program was reopening, and I pounced on the chance, signing up with a mix of trepidation and determination. This photograph captures the essence of my struggles during that time - the feeling of being adrift, searching for a lifeline in a sea of uncertainty. The wet bench serves as a metaphor for my emotional state, weathered and worn, yet still holding onto hope. The news magazine, once a source of information, now a reminder of my desperation.

Hasselblad 120mm

Kodak 35mm

Behind the wheel, I embark on a journey of rebirth, leaving the familiar in the rearview mirror. The iconic Disney World sign rises like a beacon, symbolizing hope and new beginnings. With a heart full of determination and a dream to rebuild, I drove away from the uncertainty of my past, towards a future bright with possibility. This photograph captures the essence of my transformation - the thrill of the unknown, the courage to start anew, and the resilience to pursue a better life. As I entered the gates of Disney World, I knew that this new chapter would bring it's own set of challenges, but I was ready to face them head-on, armed with the power of hope and the willingness to chase my dreams.

A hat sits precariously atop a water pipe, a symbol of my own displacement. I took on a new role, not by choice, but by necessity. Desperate for a job and a place to call home, I traded in my creative pursuits for a steady paycheck, feeling like a part of me was left behind. The hat looks out of place, much like I felt in this new environment. My passion for photography was put on hold, as I struggled to find my footing in this unfamiliar territory. For months, I fought to break free from this position, to pursue my true calling, but it seemed like the universe had other plans. This photograph captures the essence of my frustration and disillusionment - the feeling of being stuck, of being forced to put my dreams on hold, and the longing to break free and pursue my true passion.

Hasselblad 120mm

I stand proudly in my lifeguard uniform, a symbol of my determination and perseverance. Working at Disney, I thought I was one step closer to achieving my dream internship in photography. But despite my best efforts, I was met with rejection and confusion. Why couldn't I be transferred into the photography program? I worked tirelessly, pushing through health issues and disappointment, to be the best lifeguard I could be. This photograph captures the complexity of my emotions during that time - the forced smile, the determined gaze, and the hint of frustration in my eyes. I was trapped in a role that wasn't mine, yet I refused to give up. I kept pushing forward that year, hoping that someday my passion for photography would be recognized and rewarded.

Kodak 35mm

Meet Caz, a shining star and one of my closest friends during my time at Disney. As a fellow lifeguard, she understood the struggles and frustrations that came with the job. But more importantly, she was a constant source of encouragement and support, always believing in me even when I doubted myself. She was a rock for me during a challenging time, and I'm forever grateful for her friendship and guidance. Caz reminds us that even in the darkest moments, there is always hope and always someone who cares. Her presence in my life was a reminder that we are not alone, and that together, we can overcome even the toughest obstacles.

Kodak 35mm

Kodak 35mm

Inside the enchanted realm of Disney, a giant large format camera stands as a tantalizing tease. For me, it represents the ultimate dream: to capture magic through the lens. But as I gaze upon this fake camera, I'm reminded of the harsh reality I face. Despite being in a place where dreams come true, I'm met with rejection and friction, my passion for photography dismissed. This photograph captures the bittersweet essence of my journey. The camera, a symbol of my aspirations, taunts me with its presence, a constant reminder of what could be. Yet, it's a fake, a mere prop, a cruel irony that highlights the obstacles I must overcome. In this moment, I'm torn between the thrill of possibility and the agony of rejection. Will I ever break free from the shackles of doubt and unlock my true potential? Or will this dream remain forever out of focus?

After losing an internship with Magnum Photos and High Museum of Art due to the COVID pandemic, desperation crept in. I turned to candle magic books, seeking a spark of hope. This honey pot, crafted with love and intention, holds a candle spell that symbolizes my longing for a photography internship. I yearned to trade in my lifeguarding role for a chance to capture Disney's magic through the lens. Though the flame flickers brightly, my dreams remained just out of reach. Shot with my trusty Hasselblad and 120mm Ilford film, this photograph serves as a poignant reminder that sometimes, despite our best efforts, things don't go as planned. It's a bittersweet lesson in acceptance, a recognition that God's plans may differ from our own. The honey pot, once a symbol of hope, now stands as a testament to the power of perseverance and the beauty of embracing life's unexpected twists.

Hasselblad 120mm

Matt, a kindred spirit and dear friend, shines brightly in this photograph. Under the radiant glow of the full moon, we would gather, sharing our hopes and desires. Together, we'd burn herbs and offer prayers, seeking guidance and support. I was drawn to spiritual practices, seeking solace and strength in a challenging time.

Hasselblad 120mm

Raven, my dear friend, is captured in this photograph, surrounded by the gentle smoke of sage. Like me, she's a fighter, driven by a fierce determination to succeed. We bonded over our shared passion for our careers, and she became a rock, supporting me through the darkest moments. Together, under the watchful gaze of the full moon, we'd burn lucky herbs and seek guidance from the Bible, our prayers infused with hope and longing. Raven's unwavering belief in my dreams was a beacon of light, inspiring me to keep pushing forward. This photograph honors our sacred bond, a testament to the power of friendship and shared intention.

Hasselblad 120mm

One of my spells while I was in the Disney college program in 2021. During that time I was reading candle books trying to craft my own spells to try and land the internship for photography. I was already doing everything I could networking, going to sessions, so all I could do was pray. COVID and the time after was a nightmare chasing after an internship. I was making my own candles at the time. I would go get wax and all the supplies and make my own lucky candles.

Hasselblad 120mm

Me in my jeep burning sage and other herbs during the full moon. I took this picture in 2021 during my time at the Disney College Program. I would enjoy going out during the full moon and laying out on my jeep with the roof top open. I would play music, burn lucky herbs, meditate on the stars, and read.

Hasselblad 120mm

I made this photograph with Matt during a full moon while I was in Florida. I met Matt during my stay at the Disney College Program and he was great friend to me. We both brought our stones so we can cleanse and charge them in the moon light. We hung out in my jeep and listened to music, burned some lucky herbs, and made photos. Matt's presence in my life was a blessing, a reminder of the power of friendship and community. As we explored the mysteries of the universe, our bond grew stronger, a testament to the connections that matter most. This photograph captures the essence of our moonlit rituals, a time of wonder, growth, and shared intention.

Hasselblad 120mm

Hasselblad 120mm

I made this photograph during a full moon with my friends at the Disney College Program. I think we were randomly opening the Bible and reading passages. It was Ravens Bible and it is magical I believe in the magic of bibles and she has one. We would just open it and it would just tell us everything we needed to hear. I think COVID brought a massive spiritual awakening because it’s like we lost everything and we needed guidance from something supernatural. Coming out of COVID I was desperate to rebuild my career and I found myself trying to connect with what I knew as a child and that was Jesus.

Hasselblad 120mm

In the stillness of the night, I sit in my trusty Jeep, surrounded by the gentle smoke of burning herbs and the wisdom of the Bible. Crystals and stones, symbols of hope and resilience, rest in my hands, as I seek guidance and peace. The open Bible serves as a reminder of the power of faith and perseverance.

Kodak 35mm

Hasselblad 120mm

One of my other spells while I was in the Disney college program in 2021. This one in particular I was going through a very stressful time during my program. This was during the time NO SAY GAY was introduced in Florida. I was experiencing some friction with leaders because of my ear expansions/modifications and then when no say gay came around I became so stressed out during my time in Florida. Because of my ears, for months I didn’t know if I was going to loose my job and my chance at finishing my program or even getting the internship. I took out my ear gauges and now there is a permanent hole in my ear that Disney will not accept in their work place. I used to volunteer for Pride Atlanta as a photographer so my instagram was full of Pride and Disney photos. When say no gay came out I became scared and insecure and for some reason I thought my career was over. I spent a lot of time freaking out and depressed because I thought I didn’t belong. I made the poster as a way to reflect. Here is a domination candle and I found that at the metaphysical store in Orlando. I got that candle because I wanted my application for the photography internship to dominate over others. I made a honey jar and I attempted to make some other kind of lucky shake jar I read about. None of this worked, another reminder that the universe is the only one with dominate plans.

In the quiet solitude of my trusty Jeep, I find solace in the stillness of the night. The soft glow of burning herbs and the gentle light of the full moon illuminate my sacred space. A Disney notebook lies open, filled with the scribbles of my dreams and aspirations, as I seek to manifest a brighter future. In this moment, surrounded by spiritual trinkets and the soothing scent of herbs, I am at peace. The world outside may be chaotic, but in my Jeep, under the watchful gaze of the full moon, I am free to dream, to hope, and to manifest a future that aligns with my true purpose.

Kodak 35mm

Kodak 35mm

In the depths of darkness, a faint glow pierces the night. Several flames flicker, casting an eerie light on the desperation that fuels my soul. A spell, born of hope and longing, burns bright, a plea to the universe to grant me the chance to pursue my passion for photography. During this trying time, I clung to every shred of hope, praying that each new day would bring the opportunity I so desperately sought - the photography internship that seemed to taunt me with its elusiveness. The flames dance, a fiery manifestation of my unyielding spirit, as I begged the universe to hear my plea. Slowly my magic is fading because nothing seems to be working out as I wanted.

In a bold act of self-expression, my hand reaches out, adorned with vibrant nail polish, a beacon of individuality in a sea of conformity. During a time of rejection and displacement, I yearned to shine, to stand out in a place where I felt like an outsider. As an experiment, I painted my nails, curious to see if this small act of defiance would spark friction. In the face of adversity, I persisted, fueled by a determination to be seen, to be heard, and to be accepted for who I am. This photograph captures the essence of my struggle, a testament to the human spirit's capacity to resist, to rebel, and to rise above the constraints of societal expectations. My painted nails became a symbol of resistance, a declaration of my right to be different, and a reminder that even in the darkest moments, hope and self-expression can be a powerful catalyst for change.

Kodak 35mm

Kodak 35mm

In the cozy confines of my trusty Jeep, my dear friend Raven sits surrounded by the trappings of my spiritual journey. Candles, crystals, and sacred texts adorn the space, a testament to my quest for guidance and support. With a willing heart, Raven agreed to join me in a full moon ritual, seeking to harness the power of energy and intention to propel us towards our goals. Though initially uncertain, Raven's open-mindedness and willingness to explore the unknown is a cherished gift. Together, we sought to tap into the mystical forces that govern our universe, trusting that the collective energy of our prayers and intentions would manifest our deepest desires. This photograph captures the beauty of friendship and the power of shared spiritual exploration.

In the intimate sanctuary of my Jeep, I sit surrounded by the tools of my spiritual journey. Crystals, candles, and sacred texts adorn the space, a testament to my unwavering pursuit of guidance and support. My new wand, discovered in a mystical shop in Florida, beckons my attention, it's energy coursing through my veins like a powerful elixir. As I point my wand at the burning herbs, I channel the universe's potent energy, directing it towards my deepest desires.

Kodak 35mm

A delicate balance of elements converges to harness the power of intention and manifestation. Burning herbs, releasing their potent essence into the air, fill a glass bowl, surrounded by an array of crystals, each one imbued with its unique energy and purpose. A handmade candle, crafted with love and devotion, sits in the corner. This photograph offers a glimpse into the intimate world of my spiritual practice, where every object holds significance and every gesture is a deliberate act of intention. In this sacred space, I seek to connect with the mysteries of the universe, to tap into the infinite potential that lies within and around me.

Kodak 35mm

In a gentle glow of hope and intention, a honey jar sits adorned with a burning candle, its flame dancing softly atop the golden nectar. This sweet spell is my humble plea to the universe, a heartfelt request to manifest my dreams in the realm of photography. As the candle burns, it's warmth and light infuse the honey with my deepest desires, sweetening the possibilities and making my goals more tangible. With each flicker, I envision myself thriving in a role that ignites my passion for photography, capturing life's beauty and telling stories that inspire.

Kodak 35mm

Kodak 35mm

In the midst of my Disney obsession, I proudly hold a giant print, freshly signed by the talented Greg McCullough, at Epcot. My belief was simple: surrounding myself with Disney magic would somehow manifest my dream internship or role. I thought that by immersing myself in the culture, I'd be one step closer to joining the Disney team. As I collected Disney art and memorabilia, I felt like I was investing in my future. I longed to be a part of Disney's fine art world, and supporting the artists felt like a way to pave my path. With each new piece, I felt a sense of hope and determination grow. Greg's signature on this print is more than just a memento; it's a blessing from the Disney universe, acknowledging my passion and dedication. In this moment, I knew that my dreams were within reach, and that the magic of Disney would guide me every step of the way.

Standing before the iconic Cinderella Castle, I pose with a mix of determination and vulnerability. During a season of rejection and self-doubt, I yearned to belong, to find my place in the Disney dream. I longed for recruiters to see beyond my flaws and accept me for who I was. But as I strive to blend in, a lingering question whispers in the wind: Was I fighting to fit into a world where I didn't truly belong? The castle's grandeur and beauty serve as a poignant backdrop, symbolizing the magic and wonder I sought to capture. In this photograph, I am a dreamer, searching for validation and a sense of purpose. My journey is a reminder that belonging starts from within, and sometimes, it takes courage to embrace our true selves and find our authentic place in the world.

Kodak 35mm

Kodak 35mm

Sitting in the driver's seat of my trusty Jeep, surrounded by the comforts of roses and chocolate strawberries, I sit with acceptance and determination. The journey thus far has been a tumultuous one, filled with dreams of Disney magic and the harsh realities of rejection. But in this moment, I've come to a profound realization: I don't belong in the Disney dream. And that's okay. For I am ready to bloom into something new, something authentic, and something true to myself. As I grapple with the decision to stay or return home, I choose to prioritize my own growth and photographic journey. The sweetness of this new chapter beckons, and I embrace it with courage and strength. The roses symbolize the beauty of transformation, while the chocolate strawberries represent the sweetness of self-love and self-care. In this photograph, I am a warrior of self-discovery, ready to unfold into the best version of myself.

This photograph shows my trusty Jeep, the one constant companion that stood by me through the highs and lows of my adventure. As I reflect on the journey, I realize that leaving Florida was akin to breaking a curse. The day of my departure was shrouded in eerie events, as if the universe was conspiring against my exit. With a car full of belongings and a Jeep missing it's roof, I embarked on the treacherous journey back to Atlanta. Fatefully, a devastating car crash unfolded before my eyes at the Georgia-Florida border, threatening to cut my journey short. It was as if an unseen force was determined to keep me in Florida, or perhaps the collective energy of my doubts and fears was manifesting in this chilling way. Miraculously, I survived, but my Jeep's transmission succumbed to the stress, giving out as soon as I reached Atlanta. This marked the end of our incredible journey together, a poignant reminder that even the most loyal companions have their limits. Through it all, this magical Jeep played a vital role in my college program, enabling me to persevere and grow. As I bid farewell to this faithful friend, I honor it's unwavering support and the memories we forged together.

Kodak 35mm